HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He shit in the fireplace
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
