Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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