bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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