Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
