Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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