i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
