By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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