I want to make a zoo with you.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
