I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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