dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
