I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
