I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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