I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
