remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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