a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
