I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
