he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
