There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
