Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
