I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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