Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
