Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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