The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
