Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He did a backflip because drugs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
