hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
