Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
