dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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