I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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