I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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