Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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