Umm I'm too high to move.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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