im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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