My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
