There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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