Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
