hotel room ftw
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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