she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
