i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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