We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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