I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
