This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
