the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
