im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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