i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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