There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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