the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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