Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
