in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
