just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
