i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
