Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize