Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
