Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just gift wrapped bread.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize