Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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