the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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