Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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