Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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