We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
