If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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