The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
