Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
