What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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