Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
