found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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