im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
