Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
