No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
