some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize