just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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