4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
then he tried to convert me to islam
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
