There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
