so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
