I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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