Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
