There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How naked do you want me to be?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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