Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
