last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
