He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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