I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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