I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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