Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
