Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sext me about skeletons
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
