Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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