chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
