I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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