you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
