Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
