Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Farmville is her only friend.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
