Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
